Author’s Parody
by Mlmonty
Summary: This fic is a parody, so don’t take it seriously by any means. It will be a series of oneshots and drabbles not interconnecting poking fun at things AUTHORS of fanfiction do.
1. Dead Clay Pot?

**Hello all! This fic is a parody, so don't take it seriously by any means. It will be a series of oneshots and drabbles (not interconnecting) poking fun at things AUTHORS of fanfiction do. It is quite likely that at some point you will feel offended because you recognize a chapter as something YOU have done….oh well. I will be poking fun at errors in grammar, dialogue, clichés, spelling issues, txt typing, a/n and so much more. For those of you feeling brave enough to read it hopefully it'll be funny. Or you can laugh at my attempt at humor. I'll be using my normal sarcastic humor that my friends and family know me for…and I often find things funny that others don't, like in **_**Cost of Refusal**_** having Sesshoumaru referring to his attraction to Kagome as bestiality. Now enjoy!**

**Chapter one-**_**Dead Clay Pot?**_

"How dare he bring that disgusting dead clay pot into our group?" shrieked Kagome.

Sesshoumaru had sat there for the last fifteen minutes listening to the miko rant about Inuyasha bringing another woman into their group, without apparently consulting the other members, though he saw no reason for Inuyasha to do so, if he was the leader what he said goes. For someone who insisted that she didn't love the hanyou anymore she certainly kept going on about his woman.

"I mean really she's a dead clay pot how disgusting is it to rut with something like that? And let's not forget she's tried to kill me several times and has given Naraku the jewel shards before."

Sesshoumaru shifted against the tree he was leaning on and decided that his confusion was enough to warrant interrupting the miko's rant, though her ire was likely to turned toward him. She had brought this up several times in the last few minutes and it was bugging him.

"Miko."

"What!"

"This Sesshoumaru wants to know why you keep referring to the other miko as a 'dead clay pot'."

Kagome huffed and looked at him as if she felt it was obvious. "That's what she is! She's dead and a clay pot."

"Miko, while the other one had died she was also resurrected making her the undead, so you are incorrect in that aspect. And while her shell is made of clay I see nothing to make her a pot. She hardly looks like something you would cook with."

"No! Not that kind of pot. The kind you plant flowers in."

"Miko, why would someone plant flowers in a pot whey they grow everywhere? You would waste a valuable cooking pot with something so frivolous. And how would the undead one resemble this pot, you can hardly plant flowers in her?"

"Where I come from flowers don't grow everywhere. People buy clay pots to plant them in to make their homes pretty. And she resembles one because she's made out of clay!"

"Your argument does not make sense. If you insist on insulting her behind her back perhaps you should think of better insults." Sesshoumaru stood and began to walk away from the irate miko. Why had he agreed to befriend the girl? "Oh, and, miko, how can a clay pot be dead, it was never alive to begin with?"

"Gah!"

Sesshoumaru chuckled at the sound of her frustration. Really, though a 'dead clay pot' certainly the girl could think of a better insult?


	2. It the Dialogue Jumble!

**It the Dialogue Jumble!**

Kagome, Eri and Ayumi sat around the table in her kitchen sipping their drinks quietly before Eri broke the silence.

"So, your two timing boyfriend invited his ex to hang out with you?" "Yup." "Isn't that a bit awkward?" "More like infuriating," "I'd refuse to hang out with him." "You should just ditch him all together and start dating Hojo." "It's complicated I can't just ditch him. I mean what about the others? I'd be abandoning them too." "Right." "Oh, yeah, good point." "Well, I'm sure you can think of something." "Oh, I know cheat on him, with a really hot guy!" "Like his brother Sesshoumaru!"

Kagome sighed as she looked at her friends nod enthusiastically to their 'plan'. They'd never understand because she could never explain all the 'complications'.


	3. The Paragraph Chapter

Chapter three-_**The Paragraph Chapter**_

Kagome ducked out of the way as the youkai swung his claws at her. "Kagome!" Inuyasha yelled. She watched as the youkai, a large purple oni, swung back around and batted the hanyou away throwing him into a tree and knocking him unconscious. "Inuyasha!" Kagome shouted. Looking around the forest she noticed Sango's head in Shippo's lap who has franticly trying to wake her up. Miroku was collapsed face first on the leaf littered forest floor. His Windtunnel just barely sealed by his prayer beads. Kirara was nowhere to be seen. Kagome suspected that she may have been knocked into the low bushes that dotted the forest. The small kitten would be nearly impossible to see if she had been. Kagome pulled back her bow knocking her arrow and shouted, "Hit the mark!" letting the arrow fly. The oni batted it away harmlessly. Shrieking she dropped her bow as the oni lunged at her and dove under it between its legs to escape. She scrambled behind a large tree to hide as she thought of a plan. "Woman," said a smooth baritone. "Eh? Sesshoumaru?" she said looking up as she panted to catch her breath. "Where is the half-breed?" Kagome wanted to smack him. Really, she thought, now was _so_ not the time to ask her that. "Over there," she responded trying not to yell at him and attract the attention of the oni who was sniffing around the area in search of her. She pointed a few meters away to a red and silver lump at the base of a tree. "Hn." Sesshoumaru looked over and muttered, "Worthless he cannot even take a simple oni down." "Hey! The thing has Shikon Shards in it. It's not like it's easy." Sesshoumaru looked at her hard making her blush. "Really?" he said. "How pathetic." He turned and walked off through the forest before the oni roared and lunged at the lord. Without looking Sesshoumaru sliced the oni through killing it with Tokijin. Then again, she thought maybe it _was_ easy.

**A/N:** Ah, the paragraph chapter it hurts your eyes and makes you confused. What's not to love?


	4. The Wrench will Fallow and Wither

**Chapter four-The Wrench will Fallow and Wither**

"Wrench, you will fallow me and become my mate. As I mate with you, you will wither under me in pleasure."

Kagome looked at the youkai before her skeptically, before glancing at the rest of the gang and Sesshoumaru. This guy couldn't be serious could he?

"Um, you want me to fallow you?" she asked tentatively.

"Yes," the youkai said annoyed.

"Um, I don't think you really want that," she said.

"Of course I do. Why wouldn't I? You are to be my mate," the youkai bit out.

"Well I just didn't think you wanted me to plow you like soil and prepare you for seeding is all. It seems awfully painful," she said with a shrug.

"Do not forget that after that he intends for you to wither under him," Sesshoumaru said next to her.

Startled she looked up at him and noticed his barely contained mirth.

"I'm _so_ not looking forward to that," she said with a wince.

"And why not? What wrench wouldn't want to wither under me as I mate her?" the youkai said offended.

Sesshoumaru looked at the supposed youkai lord, well heir, in disgust. "If she's going to wither under you I doubt it would be pleasurable or that your skills are very great in that area."

"How dare you! I have caused many wrenches to wither under me!" The youkai face was turning an alarming color of puce in his fury.

"Then obviously you are doing something wrong," Sesshoumaru stated coolly.

Kagome couldn't hold it in any longer. She started to snicker at the youkai ordering her to 'fallow' him and insuring her she will 'wither' under him in passion. And why was he calling her a 'wrench'?

"Wretch, enough! How dare you laugh at me! You will fallow at once!"

Apparently Sesshoumaru couldn't take it any longer either. "Which is she a wretch or a wrench?"

"Both!" snapped the youkai.

"Odd, she does not appear to be a tool used to twist objects so she cannot possibly be a wrench. A wretch, perhaps. She is often annoying. " Sesshoumaru ignored the indignant 'Hey!' Kagome gave at this. He looked at the youkai carefully before continuing, "Personally I prefer it when a wench follows me and she writhes under me, but to each their own."

Kagome couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled up and spilled out of her lips. She had to turn swiftly and leave the behind the youkai and the rest of her group to keep from offending the youkai anymore.

Inuyasha, Sango and Shippo looked on confused about the exchange. Miroku was snickering lightly behind his hand. They couldn't figure out what had happened or what was so funny. This youkai had intended to fight for Kagome so that she could become his mate. Somehow it resulted in this, odd, argument and Kagome running off laughing. Whatever had happened they decided to dismiss it and find Kagome before she got into trouble.

Looking at the remainder of the group Sesshoumaru said, "Fallow," before walking off in search of Kagome.

Miroku further stunned the trio by falling to the ground laughing so hard that he was gasping for breath while he watched Sesshoumaru retreat into the distance following the same path Kagome took in her flight.


	5. Random AN's

**Chapter five-Random A/N's**

Gold eyes met blue in a passionate stare. She had longed for this day since they had revealed their feelings toward each other many months ago before Naraku was killed. (a/n: Naraku's already dead) The battle had been hard fought and won at a great cost.

Kagome squealed as Sesshoumaru's arms (**a/n**-yes he has two) gathered her to him and he planted a fierce kiss to her willing lips. Sesshoumaru formed his cloud (What the hell is that called?) and they rose high into the chill air.

Below them Inuyasha could be heard yelling profanities at Sesshoumaru and threatening him for 'kidnapping' Kagome. Kagome could feel Sesshoumaru smirk against her lips at the hanyou's display of temper. The sun setting behind them as he flew them off into the west was so romantic that all Kagome could do was sigh into the kiss as Sesshoumaru deepened it. (the sunset thing is cliché I know but it's my story so tough).


	6. Author's Note Chapter

**Chapter six-Author's Note Chapter**

This chapter serves two purposes. One it's a chapter of nothing but an author's note thus part of my parody. I'm also going to address a repeated request from reviewers. I _will not_ be giving out names of authors' or fic's that have done the no-no's portrayed in my parody. I am not pulling from any ONE source.

After reading fanficition for several years I've realized that people simply don't care for the most part about the way they are portrayed through their work. The internet and pennames allows them to post whatever they wish without it affecting them in real life. A poorly written work however tells me that the person has no pride in their work, is ignorant about grammar, spelling, punctuation, ect and that they don't even care that potentially thousands have seen them in their ignorance.

I'm greatly in fear of the quality of written works in the future if this is what is being posted for the masses today. Just because it's fanficiton doesn't mean you should give anything but your best.

….and you don't even want to get me started on how I view the popular portrayal of sex and double standards the teen authors display.


	7. What's a dictionary?

**Chapter seven-What's a dictionary?**

The day was hot and humid. Kagome watched as Sango tossed around her Hiraksou (sp?). How she could do that in this weather was bejond Kagome. If something were to happen to Sango it would be a great lost to all of them. She was a strong fighter.

Kaeda(?) was also a great assit to their group by supplying them with a place to rest their weary bones after long battles. Kagome glanced back toward the hut where Kaeda was pulling weeds in her garden out front. Inuyasha was sitting on the fence complaining to her about something Kagome couldn't hear.

Looking at Inuyasha she couldn't help but think of how she used to lust after him. She was positive now that Inuyasha's version of four play was probably grabbing a woman and kissing her. Kagome shook her head sadly the hanyu had a lot of growing up to do still.

Herring the sound of Sango's weapon seice Kagome glanced up at the slayer and wished she was more like her friend; strong, dependable, and confident. Sure she had her own stenghts but it wasn't enough. All she did was cook for the group and detect shards then she patched everyone up after the battles. Even Shipo contributed more with his foxfire than she did in battle!

Miroko's (I'm not sure how to spell that can someone tell me?) windtunnel was a powerful weapon but even his sutra's were a formidable foe against youkai. Kagome sighed she really felt rather useless right about now and didn't even want to think about Inuyasha's proweress in battle.

Kagome was positive that if she tried to fight in a battle she'd only make a spectable out of herself!

Sighing she stood up and took off toward the secluded spot of the river Kaeda had taken her to when she first fell down the well. As the trees parted for the bank of the river she blinked sharply at the light glittering off the river's water. When her sight cleared her mouth ran dry as she gazed at Sesshoumary's (I know that's not how you spell it but I don't care it's my fic) bare muscelious cheast .

**A/N:** This was probably the hardest installment to date for me to write! Every time I saw the words underlined red I wanted to go fix them. It was especially hard when I knew the correct spelling of a word and deliberately misspelled it for me not to backspace and correct it. And yes I've seen variations of all of those "in story a/n's" concerning spelling.

A big thanks to Wiccan for giving me some of the more memorable misspellings she's found over the years. Muscelious cheast (LOL muscled chest!) Four play, and spectable were some I picked from her most impressive list. It was hard just picking a few!


	8. Summaries

**Chapter eight- Summaries**

Kagome flipped through pages of_ Inuyasha_ fan fiction online while shooting nervous glances over her shoulder. If Sesshoumaru found out that she was reading fan fiction again she'd never live it down. All she wanted was something quick to read before he showed up.

**Broken Hearted:** I'm not really good at summaries, but read it anyway it's worth it!

Kagome snorted. Yeah I'll read it, as if, she thought, if you can't write a summary what makes me think you can write a story. Come on give me something good.

**Inuyoukai Love:** This is my first fan fiction so please read and be nice!

Kagome rolled her eyes. Really she just wanted something good! She didn't even know what the last two stories were _about_. She secretly referred to those types of summaries as 'begging summary'; they offered nothing but the author wanted you to read anyway.

**New Woman:** Sango's making changes in her life find out what and why!

Oh, good God, she moaned, it was a 'vague summary'. She wasn't sure which was more annoying the 'begging summary' or the 'vague summary'.

**Forever yours:** Rin want to be with her luv forever. Now she has chance make it happen. Will he want her when its said and don

Kagome blinked. She took it back. **That**, was far worse, the 'poor grammar can't spell summary'. Ah, yes, she thought, let's not forget the hybrid 'vague and begging summary'.

**Surprise:** Kaggy can't get over Miro who doesn't want her anymore. Can she find why? Review please! I need to know if you guys are liking this story or not!

And the 'it's inside summary'.

**Secret:** Ann Higorashi has a secret crush. The rest of the summery is inside.

"Kagome, what are you doing?" a deep voice said right behind her making her jump and squeal in surprise.

"Nothing!" she said trying to quickly close out the tabs she was perusing.

"Really?" Sesshoumaru drawled. "So that wasn't fan fiction you were reading?"

Kagome couldn't hold in the snort. "Nope, not by a long shot."

Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow at her but decided not to question her. He could tell she wasn't lying but he also recognized the site she was trying to close as one of her fan fiction sites. "You're going to rot you brain one of these days reading that trash."

Sighing she had to admit that if the summaries she had read over were any indication of the stuff out there then she probably would indeed rot her brain if she read them. Nodding slightly she got out of her chair and drug him from the room. She didn't want to even _think_ about fan fiction right now.

**A/N:** Hikari Hime here's your summaries! I couldn't help but laugh when you brought up summaries 'cause I had just written this. Plagiarism was HIGHLY tempting this chapter.


	9. The NC that's not NCyeah that makes

**Chapter nine-The rape that's not rape**

**This chapter is rated MA people! You have been warned! **

Sesshoumaru pushed Kagome against a wall of the guest room with his hard body. The group of adventurers had decided to stay at his palace for a few nights to recoup from a battle. With the night of the new moon upon them Inuyasha wouldn't know if Sesshoumaru had his way with the tantalizing miko. As the Lord of the West it was his right to take any female he desired. He was not a fool however he knew that Inuyasha would object to his taking of this particular female and while he could defeat his brother in battle it was simply easier if he got what he wanted first.

"Sesshoumaru, stop you don't want this I'm human remember!"

Of course he remembered. Did she think him so stupid that he would suddenly forget? "Hn."

"Please…No!"

He glided his hand across her stomach and ignored her pleas and desperate cries for him to stop. No one would interfere. Her companions were on the other side of the palace since there were 'conveniently' not enough rooms there the miko was in a separate wing. His servants knew better than to interfere.

Kagome shuddered at the sensation of his flesh manipulating hers. Kagome felt her struggles begin to weaken as he continued his assault on her flesh. It was as if her body had a mind of its own.

Giving up at this point to the feelings he produced she pulled him closer and moaned loudly. What Sesshoumaru was doing was wrong she didn't want it but she tossed it all aside as her body responded.

"Yes," she breathed wrapping her arms around his neck as his lips continued downward to her breast, which he licked, suckled, nipped lightly in her mouth, making her grow wetter.

The feel of her moisture on his hand as he slid it down her stomach and under her sleeping bottoms into her curls made him go almost over the edge. Quickly she was divested of her flimsy sleeping attire as Sesshoumaru mercilessly took what he wanted from her giving her virgin flesh no time to adjust. It hurt and made her feel as if she was being split in two. Her cry of pain was lost to her as her back repeatedly hit the stone wall behind her paining her.

He steadily pounded into her waiting for her call for him to move faster. He didn't have to wait long, as she moved her arms from his neck to his biceps she began begging for him to move harder.

"Harder!" she yelled. "Oh God, Sesshoumaru, I'm coming!"

Sesshoumaru chuckled as she toppled over into oblivion. Following soon after he pulled out and leaned against her leaving her still trapped between him and the wall.

"That was, wow," Kagome stuttered weakly.

"Indeed." Sesshoumaru had known she would be a good rut. He intended to get her away from the half-breed more often so he could have her again. "I love you, Kagome."

"I love you too, Sesshoumaru." They barely knew each other but that didn't matter to them. She chose to brush aside the fact that he had essentially raped her in the new found knowledge that she loved him.

**A/N:** Okay…….so obviously my 1st attempt at this didn't come out well. I'm SO not happy with it. So I'm going to try again later. I'll try to be cheesier next time, I promise!

I was highly tempted to commit an act of plagiarism and just post from a story I saw earlier today containing just such a scene as above….only well worse which is what I was going for.

**Rant Time!**

I am disturbed by some scenes I've read like the above written predominantly by teens. It makes me wonder if they actually know what rape _is_. They seem to think the above is acceptable when it's not. And while the above (was supposed to be) funny in its unrealistic-ness, the real thing is far from it and it's disturbing when people write the above seriously in a story. SO to clarify what IS and is NOT rape I'll give those of you who are confused the actual definitions of it.

**Rape:**

The unlawful compelling of a woman through _**physical force or **__**duress**_to have sexual intercourse.

_**Any **_act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person.

To further clarify those definitions let me explain to those who are STILL confused. This means that if in a story Kagome says no to Sesshoumaru and he does it anyway and she _'enjoys it'_ it IS rape. If she is coerced into it like 'have my child or I'll kill Inuyasha' it IS rape. If she fights in any way or form: from words to actions and he ignores her it's rape. Got it? I certainly hope so.


	10. Mama Kagome and her Infants

**Chapter ten-Mama Kagome and her Infants**

**Applies to where Kagome and Rin/Shippo have a small age gap only! **

"Ah, just look at them! They look like mother and daughter! They even look alike. It's so cute. Kagome will make a wonderful mother one day."

Sesshoumaru frowned slightly, a barely there downward tug of his lips and furrowing of his brow. He glanced at the slayer from the corner of his eye for a moment before turning his attention to the miko and his ward.

He supposed their facial features were slightly similar but their hair and eye color weren't anything alike. They both seemed to have a bubbly personality but both were also young enough to still have that. The miko however was at an age where her personality was tempered with responsibility. She was only really like this when playing with Rin and Shippo, otherwise she was a fairly serious individual.

Currently the three were running around a field playing tag. Sesshoumaru seriously failed to see how she behaved like a mother. No mother he knew of spent days playing like that. They spent their time feeding, and clothing their young when not trying to keep them out of mischief as well as working. He had never seen the miko go out of her way to behave motherly to them.

In all honesty she behaved like an older sister. She let them do their own thing unless they asked her to play with them. She took the fox into battle! What mother would do that!

"I wonder when they'll start calling her mama?" the monk said.

Sesshoumaru was completely confused. Why would the children call her mama? The kit was older than her! Rin was six and the miko was fifteen!

"It'll be soon I'm sure. Those infants are so cute playing with her. It's only natural for them to want to call her mother since they're orphans," the slayer said with a small smile on her face.

Infants? What infants? Surely the slayer didn't think Rin and the fox were still infants. The fox was small like a human infant yes, but he was far more advanced in intellect and ability than any infant. As for Rin didn't humans stop being 'infants' once they learned to crawl? Or maybe it was when they learned to walk? Either way she had long since mastered both.

"Indeed I'm sure the infants are thrilled to have such a motherly figure," the monk responded.

Thoroughly confused Sesshoumaru dropped out of his tree and walked over to the trio playing in the field.

"Miko," he said catching all of their attention. "Among humans when is a child considered an infant?"

"Eh?" Kagome looked at him confused by the sudden question. "Um, well, an infant is a child who can neither walk nor talk. Isn't it the same for youkai?"

"Indeed. And is it customary for human women to birth at age nine?"

"What! No! You're still a child then! Most human women aren't capable of getting their monthly cycle until around age twelve or thirteen, sometimes even later. It's not common but a nine year old human female _could_ get a cycle that early but if she got pregnant it could kill her to birth it. Her body wouldn't be mature enough yet. I don't know how it works for youkai but for humans we're not fully matured until nearly twenty years." Kagome narrowed her eyes at the stately youkai. "Why?" she bit out suddenly suspicious. She cut a glance at Rin in worry.

"Then explain to this Sesshoumaru why the monk and slayer refer to the children as infants and you as their mother?" Sesshoumaru tilted his head up slightly in a show of arrogance.

"I have no idea," Kagome drawled out slowly her eyes wide in confused wonder.

**A/N:** I HAVE seen people refer to the kids as 'infants'….obviously they are VERY confused as to what an infant is. I had to stop reading those fics. Thankfully it's not a common occurrence. As for the mama Kagome thing it's annoying but tolerable.


	11. Quotation Marks are for Dummies

**Chapter eleven-Quotation marks are for dummies.**

Inuyasha! How could you do this to me!? Do what? Betray me like this, Kagome whispered. She had seen Inuyasha and Kikyou under the sacred tree hugging and kissing. The betrayal stung her deep. Angry and hurt she looked away from the hanyou. She couldn't bear to look at him anymore.

Kagome it's not what you think, I swear! Than what is it? Can you answer me that? She knew he couldn't without lying. There was no other explanation for what she had seen. The hug was bad enough, but to kiss her! That couldn't be explained away as innocent.

I was just comforting her, he said. She's decided to give up on her half-life and go to hell. And you believe that? Kagome wasn't fooled. Kikyou would never give up on Inuyasha. Her hatred and bitterness transcended even death. Kagome shook her head at the gullible hanyou and walked off.

It's over, Inuyasha! She yelled.


	12. Who are you?

**Chapter twelve-Who are you?**

Sesshoumaru sat atop a hill overlooking a lush green valley. For several days now images of his brother's miko kept flickering though his head. The way she blushed when given a compliment, the way she stood firm against intimidating odds, it all set his heart tripping over itself.

_Impossible how could I possibly think a human attractive? _He wondered.

**Of course you do she's beautiful and caring and powerful. **A voice piped up in his head.

_Who are you? _Sesshoumaru asked. He had never heard this voice before! _What are you doing in my head? Remove yourself at once!_

**I'm you, idiot. I'm your inner youkai. **

_My inner youkai? _Sesshoumaru asked confused.

**I'm all your inner thoughts and primitive feelings!**

_What purpose would you serve?_

**Grrr! I'm you! What part of that don't you understand?**

_Did you just growl at this Sesshoumaru? _ He asked incredulously. No one growled at him. Not even his inner youkai!

**HA! You just growled at yourself! I'm you after all. **The voice said smugly.

Sesshoumaru doubted the merit of this entire 'inner youkai' thing. It certainly seemed pointless and was rather annoying. Perhaps he could have the voice removed?

**Hey! I heard that! And I'm not going anywhere! I'm part of you after all.**

Yup, he defiantly needed to look into removing that voice.

***

Kagome sighed as she stared up at the star filled sky. It had been such a long tiring day. Looking over at Inuyasha she felt a pang in her heart. She loved him so much and it hurt so badly when he ran off to Kikyou.

**You should get over that looser! He's not worth the heart ache.**

Kagome sat up straight and looked around the clearing they were camped in. _Who said that? _She wondered.

**I did! I'm your conscience. Duh!**

Kagome was a very confused. Her conscious never had a voice before. Feeling a bit uneasy she settled back down glancing at her friends warily. Did they hear voices in their heads as well? Was she crazy? What would they think if they knew she could hear her conscience?

**Everyone has a conscience stupid!**

Kagome knew _what_ a conscience was but _hearing_ it and having it _talk _to you?

**Well of course I can talk to you and you can hear me! I'm you!**

Kagome decided to try to mute the voice as much as possible until she could figure this out. Was this really normal? Decision made she carefully ignored the voice's input into her thoughts and settled down to sleep. Maybe things would be better in the morning.

**A/N:** Why this chapter? Because it's oh so common for us to hear random voices in our heads and never know they were there before and to be able to converse with them! :P


	13. Everyone’s a potty mouth who yells!

**Chapter thirteen-Everyone's a potty mouth who yells!**

**Rated PG-13 for language, you have been warned!**

"Damn it, Inuyasha! I've had enough of your fucking shit!" Kagome yelled. Her fists were clinched by her sides as she stood ramrod straight in her anger.

"Who the fuck asked you! You do what I say!" Inuyasha yelled crossing his arms across his chest trying to make himself look bigger.

"Don't talk to Kagome like that!" shouted Sango. "You, bastard, Kagome doesn't answer to you!"

"Like hell she doesn't! The bitch listens to me I'm alpha!"

"Stupid Inuyasha! Just leave mama-Kagome alone! You always treat her like shit!" Shippo was nearly in tears over the anger directed to his mother.

"She ain't your fucking mother, runt!" Inuyasha pointed at the small fox baring his teeth.

"Don't cuss at Shippo you stupid fucking mutt!" yelled Kagome. "SIT!"

A string of profanity emerged from the hanyou shaped crater at her feet. She breathed deeply as she tried to regain her temper.

"You deserved that you fucking idiot!" Miroku said shaking his head at his hanyou friend as Inuyasha tried to get up.

Kagome groaned knowing she wasn't about to get over her temper while in Inuyasha's presence so she took off running into the woods. As she tripped and stumbled through the woods she barely missed being hit by an arrow that was coming toward her, only tripping over an exposed root saved her. Looking over her shoulder she saw Kikyou coming toward her another arrow aimed at her.

"GIVE ME THE REST OF MY SOUL BACK YOU STUPID SLUT!!!!" yelled Kikyou before releasing the arrow.

Kagome didn't even have time to scream before her vision went suddenly white. Gasping for breath she slowly realized that she wasn't dead but seeing a person wearing white. Sesshoumaru! Her mind yelled.

"Who the fuck are you!" said Kikyou.

"I am Lord Sesshoumaru, bitch, who the fuck are you to try to kill one of this Sesshoumaru's pack!?" his voice was cold and emotionless.

"Your Pack! She's nothing but a reincarnation of me! I will kill her and take the rest of my soul!" Kikyou proclaimed firmly.

"You will die!" replied Sesshoumaru before killing the undead miko with Tenseiga. "Are you alright!" he asked turning to Kagome.

"What the fuck do you think! She nearly fucking killed me!" Kagome gasped. "Thank you for saving me!"

"Of course I fucking saved you! You are pack to this Sesshoumaru, Miko!"

"What the hell does that mean!"

"It means I take care of you, bitch! Now stop yelling at this Sesshoumaru!"

"You're yelling at me too, dip shit!" Kagome pointed out before stalking off.

**A/N:** Now just to clarify something about this parody, satire whatever you feel like calling it. I'm not perfect. Yes I know that comes as a shock to all my loyal fans, but it is the truth. (and these are all unbetaed to boot!) For all that I am wonderfully awe inspiring with my wit and sarcastic humor I'm not perfect. I had two UNINTENTIONAL errors pointed out in the last chapter. If you find one go ahead and point it out I'll ….probably…fix it. And here's a little bit of wisdom for you:

_If you can't laugh at yourself you have no business laughing at anybody else-MLMonty_

So very true, I'm glad I came up with that bit of wisdom. I can therefore write this because I DO make SOME of these mistakes I'm making fun of ;) I'm not being harsh to be harsh….mostly I'm not anyway. I'm writing this to…educate? Sure we'll go with that one!


	14. Entitlement

**Chapter fourteen-Entitlement**

"I don't understand, mom, why does he keep going to Kikyou! I'm the one who's there for him! I'm the one who loves him and doesn't want him to change! I'm the one that's alive! He should be with me! I'm tired of him cheating on me!" Kagome wailed at her mom before her head hit the kitchen table with a loud thunk as she continued to moan in despair.

Kagome's mother sighed. Her daughter was a kind girl but was very confused about her feelings and had a ridiculous sense of entitlement about her, concerning love. What she had to say was going to painful but needed to be done.

"Kagome," she said softly catching his moaning daughter's attention. "has Inuyasha ever said he loved you?"

"No," was the whimpered response.

"Has he ever said he was dating you or rather courting I believe is the equivalent back then?"

"No," Kagome whimpered.

"Then you have no reason to be angry at him." Kagome's mom held up her hand as her daughter snapped her head up and started to protest. "If he's never said he's yours then he's not and he's not cheating."

"But I love him! I'm the one who freed him from the tree! I'm the one who's reincarnated from Kikyou! He's supposed to love me!"

"Reincarnations merely share the same soul nothing else. Just because you love him does not automatically mean he should love you. Hojo loves you but do you love him?"

"No!" Kagome shouted looking aghast at the idea.

"But by your very argument you should. You said that because you love him and are there for him he should love you. Yet Hojo loves you and is there for you. Therefore you should love him."

"But mom that doesn't mean anything! Just because Hojo and Koga love me doesn't mean I have to love them!"

"Exactly," Kagome's mom said softly before nodding to herself and walking away to leave her gapping daughter to stare after her.


	15. Multiple POV's

**Chapter fifteen-Underlining and Multiple First Person P.O.V's (with a little mental contradiction thrown in) and reviewer responses.**

**Reviewer responses:**

**Rachel:** Isn't it though!

**Midnight Cat**: Thanks!

**Bored CatGirl Mika-Zuki:** Thanks for the applause!

**KikyoxInuasha4eva:** I have no problem with Kikyou.

**Locura:** Yeah people like that annoy me. They feel entitled to have people like them just because they like that person.

**Trance:** I'll take you falling out of your chair as a complement since you would be doing it by laughing!

**Chapter fifteen:**

**Sesshoumaru's POV**

I sighed as I walked through the woods. Rin was sick and I needed to get to the miko that followed my brother around like a lost puppy. While incompetent in fighting she possessed superior healing skills. I had spied her using things on her injured or sick party before that I had never seen. Not even my healers possessed some of her odd medicines and supplies.

I could hear my incompetent brother ahead yelling "Sesshoumaru!" Really did he have to be so loud? My ears were very sensitive and his companions were within feet of him.

**Kagome's POV**

I nearly jumped when Inuyasha suddenly yelled "Sesshoumaru!" and pulled the Tetsusaiga brandishing it like a club. Swiftly standing to my feet I gulped as Sesshoumaru melted into sight through the tree line surrounding the clearing we were in. The guy was dead sexy but also scary as hell. Wait! Where did that come from? I do NOT find Sesshoumaru sexy! 

**Inuyasha's POV**

Damn that bastard! What was he doing here? I look around the clearing quickly to make sure he hadn't brought anyone with him. I wouldn't put it past him to bring help since he couldn't take me out on his own.

"What the hell do you want, bastard?" I yelled my anger showing. I couldn't help it though the guy just pissed me off.

**Sesshoumaru's POV**

I ignore my bellowing half brother in favor of the miko. She stands there in her scantily clan outfit showing off her long smooth tone legs quaking in fear. Wait! I did not just admire her legs! She's human there is NOTHING to admire on her!

"Miko," I said imperiously "you will heal my ward." Beaconing behind me Jaken comes leading Ah-Un by the reins. Rin was still laying on the mount asleep with a high fever.

**Kagome's POV**

"Oh my god, Rin!" I ran forward ignoring the danger Sesshoumaru presented and not noticing I dropped my bow and arrows on the way. Scooping up the precious child I cradled her before running back to my backpack. Placing her gently on the ground I opened the backpack and shifted through the contents. Digging out my first aid kit I quickly took her temperature. Placing the thermometer under her tongue and telling her to hold it there I waited impatiently until it beeped. It was 101.4 a dangerous temp for someone so young. 

Giving her some cherry flavored Tylenol I sighed in relief as her temp went down.

Danger avoided.

**A/N: ** The hardest part was self editing. I really don't understand how people can write in underlined/italic/bold like that….I have a headache. But you have to love the reviewer responses. They make the chapter seem so much longer than it is in reality.

Sorry to pick on my reviewers from last chapter, but it was for a good cause….no really it was.


	16. Telling me what I already know

**Chapter sixteen-Telling me what I already know**

My name is Kagome Higurashi when I was fifteen I went into the well house on my family's shrine to look for my cat Buyo and was pulled down the old well by a youkai, Mistress Centipede. The well took me five hundred years into the past where I met a hanyou named Inuyasha. Inuyasha had been pinned to a tree by his love, the Miko Kikyou, when a hanyou named Naraku tricked them into killing each other.

I released Inuyasha from the sacred tree and we started to travel together to collect the shards of the Shikon No Tama that was ripped from my very body by Mistress Centipede then stolen by a crow youkai before I shattered it trying to get it back.

On the way we met Shippo a fox youkai who was trying to avenge his father's death by stealing the Shikon shards. He was going to use them to become more powerful and kill the thunder brother's Hiten and Manten. We helped him avenge his father and since then he's been traveling with us. He likes to play tricks on Inuyasha and Inuyasha retaliates by bopping him on the head.

Next we met Miroku who kidnapped me for the Shikon shards. He's a perverted monk who has a windtunnel in this hand placed there by the evil hanyou Naraku. He's very wise but also very perverted. He asks every woman he meets to bare him a child!

Lastly we met Sango and her youkai fire cat Kilala. Sango is a youkai exterminator who's village and family were slain. Only her brother survived when Naraku put a Shikon shard in his back to turn him into a puppet. She's vowed revenge on Naraku after she discovered how he was really behind the attack. He had tricked her into attacking us by claiming we had killed the people in her village.

Along our travels we've also met Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha's full blooded half brother. He's a powerful youkai who shows little emotion and says little as well. He lusted after their father's sword Tetsusaiga that can kill a hundred youkai in one strike. He's tried to kill Inuyasha several times and even me twice when I got in the way.

We also met Koga a wolf youkai who kidnapped me because I could see the shards. He proclaimed me his woman after I stood up to him and helped him and his people defeat the Birds of Paradise. Though he claims to love me I don't have feelings for him other than as a friend.

We've met many others on our journey as well. My name is Kagome Higurashi and this is my story.

**A/N:** Here's a tip people if I'm reading Inuyasha fan fiction then the chances are I know the characters and plot. If I didn't why would I be reading Inuyasha fanfiction? Now if you CHANGE the characters then by all means tell me what you changed; background, physical attributes, ect. Otherwise your talking to the wind.


	17. Male Whores

**Chapter seventeen-Male Whores**

**Rated T for language and adult themes! You have been warned!**

**A/N: Okay so I had two ideas for this one so I broke it up into 'reality' and 'fanfiction'. I couldn't decide which version I liked better so I figured, why not both?**

**Part One-Reality**

Kagome diligently typed away at her desk. Her little cubicle was nearly claustrophobic but it was all she had. Her job was simple; file insurance claims. The people in customer service took down the claims and she filed them. Her job wasn't glamorous but it paid and well enough for her to not live paycheck to paycheck. There was only one problem with her job; her boss.

Sesshoumaru Genshu was a self centered, egotistical, playboy who wouldn't take no for an answer. Yes he was smart, he was good looking and even rich. He was also, as Kagome mentally referred to him, a male whore. Said whore was head of the department and son of the owner of the company. Said whore had asked her out every day for the month she had worked at the national insurance company. Said whore was coming her way and her heart clenched in her chest in dread. He was losing patience; she was losing patience. It was a stalemate.

The office ladies hated her since he asked her out. She hated them for being jealous of something she didn't want. She loathed him though the most for causing the whole situation. Kagome figured that he pursued her because she said no and he didn't know how to take it. He probably took it as being hard to get or a challenge. He didn't understand the way she saw him and she hadn't told him because he was her boss.

She had learned on her first day what Sesshoumaru Genshu was. She had started off work easily enough. The day was broken up mid-morning when an office lady broke down in tears after talking to a silver haired male no more than twenty five at most. Confused she had turned to her neighbor and asked if the girl had been fired.

"No, she just found out that he only used her for a quicky. Really she should have known better. He goes through everyone here. A new girl every night sometimes more than one. I once saw him leave here with, and no lie, five girls from the office. He came to work very happy the next day!"

Kagome was in a word: disgusted.

The disgust was even worse when two days and three girls later he asked her out to dinner.

"Miss. Higurashi, would like to accompany me to dinner tonight?" His voice was flat as if asking about the weather.

Kagome was in a near panic and bile was rising in her throat. "Um, I'm sorry, sir, but I have a previous engagement," she had managed to stammer.

"Very well," he muttered while snatching a glance at her ring finger only to find it bare.

She later saw him leave with a different office lady. And so the pattern was set; he asked her out, she made up an excuse, he left with one or more other women at the end of the day. She knew it wasn't innocent because the women compared stories in the break room. Some were even married!

She was at her breaking point. She just couldn't handle this anymore after a month of it.

"Miss. Higurashi, I was wondering if you would accompany me to dinner tonight," he said as usual in his bland tone. Somehow it sounded like an order and that she should be honored to be asked by him, as if he didn't ask everyone who was female and moderately pretty.

Kagome couldn't stand it anymore! Something snapped as the pressure build to a crescendo and overflowed her. Standing up swiftly she knocked her chair over in the process causing it to hit the back of her cubicle and gain the attention of her neighbor.

"Well, of course, Mr. Genshu! Of course I'd love to go out with you," she said snidely. "I was only playing hard to get this last month! Good of you to see through my lame excuses! There's nothing more I want than to go out with a man who's a whore!"

His expression was thunderous. It was the first emotion she'd seen on him. "Miss. Higurashi, I am male I can hardly be a whore. Nor is your attitude necessary, do not forget I'm your superior."

"Not a whore! Bullshit!" she was gaining the attention of many of her neighbors now and work was grinding to a halt around her. "You've probably fucked almost every woman here! I look at you and all I can see is your long list of paramours!"

To her surprise he smirked. "So you're jealous."

"Jealous!" she sputtered choking on her own spit, her eyes widened. "Oh, yes! I'm so jealous! I'm so jealous I've refused you for a month straight! Now listen to me you worthless whore." She said her voice low and firm. She ignored the look his angry look and his steadily reddening face.

"I've put up with this for a month. I look at you and all I can wonder is how many diseases you have and it makes me cringe just to think about it. I've heard from the women you've taken home from here that you're not smart enough to use a condom. I look at you and wonder how many bastard children you have. I look at you and see your long line of paramours and know exactly what kind of man you are; a worthless whore who uses women as he sees fit, and can't even manage a relationship. I have no interest in you! I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole for fear of getting a good pole contaminated! If you don't stop asking me out I'll file a sexual harassment suit!"

Furious she stormed off. Before boarding the elevator she shot over her shoulder, "Your sex life isn't even private! You were caught with three women just yesterday and it was in the fucking paper! Why you think I would degrade myself by going to dinner with you is beyond me! You are disgusting, **never** talk to me again!"

After the elevator door closed behind her with a ding and the young woman left he heard it: snickering. Swinging his head toward the low laughter his eyes were wide and his breathing was labored. His father stood behind him barely managing to keep his laughter at a low level.

"She's right you know," the man said before sighing. "Your behavior is a shameful embarrassment to our family, also to our company."

Sesshoumaru had never been more insulted and embarrassed in all his years. But the truth was he couldn't deny anything she said. He took great risks of catching something horrid by having so many partners and having unprotected sex. He could have bastard children and just not know of it. He'd never been in a steady relationship; he didn't even know how to be.

And the one woman he had truly been interested in had just walked out the building threatening to file a lawsuit against him if he asked her out again; all because of his behavior.

***

Sesshoumaru found out several months later that he had contracted two STD's; gonorrhea and a lesser known but prevalent STD that caused infertility in both men and women if not caught in time. His wasn't. It didn't matter though because it turned out he had not only a five year old daughter named Rin by a woman he'd only been with twice but a six year old named Shippo by a woman he'd been with once and couldn't even remember the name of much less _who_ she was.

When he attempted to gain custody he was seen as an unfit father due to the public history of his private life. He was now paying out child support to both mothers' and was disowned by his father for bringing shame to his family name. He was at least allowed to keep his job but now lived paycheck to paycheck since all his money was going to support his children.

**Part two-Fan fiction**

Kagome had known that Sesshoumaru was attractive, it was easy to see in all of his photographs, but the reality was more intense. She had known that he had a new woman on his arm at every gala he went to and never dinned with the same woman twice. People accepted it of him. Sesshoumaru Genshu was a playboy, but he was a rich one so who cared?

What Kagome hadn't known and was not prepared for was his pursuit of her when they met. She had denied him knowing that he would expect her to sleep with him after an evening of wining and dining. The next day she's be tossed to the curb. She had no intention of giving up her virginity that way.

But he was persistent, and oh so attractive.

"Kagome, I was wondering if you would join me for dinner tonight." Sesshoumaru said after catching her in the elevator.

"Okay, Sesshoumaru," she sighed. It was easier to give in, then he'd move on. It wasn't like she'd sleep with him.

Plans had been made and dinner had gone more smoothly than she had expected. He walked her to her apartment and he managed to garner an invite in for a night cap. As the evening progressed before Kagome knew it she was waking up the next morning sore but sated.

She couldn't believe that she had slept with him! She had given up her prized virginity and on the first date to a playboy! But it had been worth it. Sighing she brushed the incident off and headed to work.

"Kagome," Sesshoumaru said lowly when he stopped by her office. "I wanted to know if you were free again tonight."

"Of course," she said stunned that he had asked her out again.

Suddenly a pattern had been set. They'd go out somewhere only to wind up at her place in bed. And him leaving before she woke. After a few months she caught him cheating on her. Furious at him she left only to have him win her back into his good graces a few weeks later.

It turned out that when he had cheated on her he was trying to fight the fact that he was in love with her so of course when he came to her and apologized she forgave him after a few weeks of him groveling. After all he loved her! He renounced his playboy ways and they got married as soon as possible to live happily ever after.

**A/N:** Being a whore is SUCH a glamorous life. Why people write men like that then have women willingly date them is beyond me. It does tell the psychologist in me that there is still a LONG way to go in the fight for sexual equality and sexual responsibility. Being sexually responsible starts little; with you being responsible, teaching it to your children and if an author writing it.

While some people may look at this and think my depiction of him is extreme I disagree. In real life if he behaved that way it COULD very well end him in the predicament I put him in 'reality' or worse.

*eye twitching* FF keeps taking out my spaces between section. Sorry 'bout that but I every time I add the spaces between A/N and section title for example and save it takes them right back out. *eye twitches again*


	18. “Formal Old Fashioned Speech”…you wish

**Chapter eighteen-"Formal Old Fashioned Speech"….you wish**

"Halt! Until someone gives identity and it is verified that you are friend or it is verified that you are foe you are to halt there!" shouted a guard outside of Koga's cave.

"Greet not a guest in such a manner!" yelled Koga from above them on the path next to the waterfall.

Kagome and the gang had stopped at Koga's caves when he announced that he had taken a mate and produced a cub. Looking at the beaming Koga holding his heir she begged to be allowed to hold the new born.

"Let him not put your fingers in his mouth. For his fangs are very sharp," Koga said handing the babe to Kagome. While Kagome tended to the babe Koga offered, "Would you need or desire anything; any tea or other beverage to drink?"

"No," replied Kagome, "I nor Inuyasha, Miroku, Shippo, or Sango need any tea or other beverage to drink."

Shortly after they arrived Lord Sesshoumaru appeared at Koga's caves to see that Koga had indeed produced an heir. For Koga like Sesshoumaru was a lord and had to produce an heir to pass on his lands too. With the birth of an heir the Eastern Lands would stay in Koga's family and upon Kog's passing into the next realm upon his death the lands would go to his heir.

When Lord Sesshoumaru demanded the newborn cub Kagome bit out, "This miko will not give this Sesshoumaru the new born heir unless this Sesshoumaru shows this miko respect when this Sesshoumaru speaks to this miko."

"Miko, does a reminder need to pass you at who you are with?" snarled Sesshoumaru.

"This miko does not need a reminded to pass at her to remember who she is with," she said reluctantly before she handed the new born cub over to Sesshoumaru. After inspecting the new born cub to make sure it was indeed Koga's and was health he handed it back to Kagome and flew off on his youkai powered cloud that formed under his feet with only a nod to Koga before his departure.

The group enjoyed their stay with Koga and his pack for the rest of the day and night and the next morning left early and happy.

**A/N:** Does anyone else feel like Mojo Jojo from Power Puff Girls is writing fanfiction when you come across stuff like this?

FF really gets on my nerves sometimes. Since it wouldn't let me add the spaces in the editor I tried adding EXTRA spaces to the doc itself .....you can see it didn't work. :( It also wouldn' t let me reply to ANY of the reviews I got this week. So either none of my reviewers bothered to sign in or there's some glitch. Make sure you guys sign in when reviewing 'cause you never know when I'll decide to reply ;P


	19. Reincarnation

**Chapter nineteen- Reincarnation**

"So, you're saying that Kikyou is the reincarnation of Midoriko

and I'm the reincarnation of Kikyou?" Kagome asked hesitantly.

"Aye, child, you possess a soul of great power," Kaede said nodding sagely.

"Wow, Kagome, that's fantastic!" Sango said excitedly. Her friend was the reincarnation of two great miko.

"Um, that sounds all great and all," Kagome said hesitantly. "and I'm no expert in reincarnation but, well, how can Kikyou be the reincarnation of Midoriko if Midoriko's soul is in here?" she asked holding up the small glass jar from around her neck to display the shards of Shikon no Tama.

**A/N:** Since I haven't done so yet I would like to thank my readers for the great honor of having Cultural Differences nominated for the Dokuga Awards in 4 catergories: Best Drama, AU, Romance, and Portrayal of Sesshoumaru. You truly honor me.


	20. The Grown Child Rin

**Chapter twenty-The Grown Child Rin**

"Miko," Sesshoumaru said staring blankly at her.

"Um, yes, Sesshoumaru?" she replied tentatively. It wasn't often that Sesshoumaru came to their group and less often that he wanted to talk instead of harass his younger brother.

"You will accompany this Sesshoumaru to his ward. She is in need of guidance."

"Rin! Oh, is she okay? She's not hurt is she?" The girl was always a joy to be around and Kagome hoped nothing had happened to her.

"She merely needs a human female to speak to. She is thirteen summers now and maturing."

Kagome looked at him blankly for a moment before she understood what he was saying. Rin either had her first period or was going to soon. Sesshoumaru wanted her to understand what was happening. Nodding her head she sat Inuyasha and gave reassurances to Sango and Miroku that she would be fine before following the lord.

The walk was a quite one but luckily it seemed that Sesshoumaru had left the girl not too far away. As they broke through the tree line they saw Rin sitting on a large rock in the middle of a field weaving flowers into a wreath. At first glance the girl seemed fine but Kagome observed her closely as they approached. Rin's mouth and eyes were tight in worry and her brow slightly furrowed.

"Rin," Kagome called out softly. Head snapping up Rin let out a squeal and came running to Kagome wrapping her arms around her waist. "Sesshoumaru said that you needed to speak to me?"

"Uh, huh," the child murmured before dragging the young woman away. After getting a sufficient distance from Sesshoumaru Rin looked up into Kagome's blue eyes warily and took a deep breath before beginning. "Rin recently starting hurting and then Rin _bled_ from there!" she said in a great rush while pointing a chubby finger toward her girl parts.

"Oh, Rin it's alright! It's just you're maturing and it happens to every woman around your age. It'll happen every month unless you're pregnant. It's telling you that there's no baby in there and that you're healthy."

Kagome stooped down and picked up the small child before cradling her to her chest to reassure her. Cooing lightly to the infant Kagome walked back to Sesshoumaru letting him know she had done her job. Wiggling to get down Rin ran up to Sesshoumaru and hugged his leg enthusiastically.

"Sesshoumaru-sama! Rin is okay! Rin not die from blood!" she exclaimed before sticking a dirt covered thumb into her mouth to suck on.

Kagome looked on in maternal pride at the infant clinging to Sesshoumaru's leg.

**A/N:** Okay, honestly stories like these are just disturbing due to the conflicting imagery.


	21. Txt Typing

**Chapter Twenty one-Txt Typing**

Kagome jus new that something was wrong. Getting up from the blanket that was wrapped around her she made her way n2 the forest searching 4 Inuyasha when she noticed he was gone. Whatever was wrong must involve him! Carefully she made her way over the exposed roots toward a glowing light.

ONNA, Kagome thought in despair.

"Inuyasha, do u luv me?" Kikyou asked softly her eyes flicking past him 2 where Kagome hid.

"Of course, Kikyou!" Inuyasha exclaimed.

"Do u luv me more than my reincarnation?" Her eyes soft w/longing as she gazed at him.

"I tld u I luv u, Kikyou! U r the only 1 I luv! Kagome's jus a shard detector!"

OMG! Kagome screamed mentally before turning on her heal and running away deeper n2 the woods.

**A/N: **What's even worse than reading or writing this? That my dictionary on this program recognizes 'luv' as a word. (Apparently it recognizes shorthand as actual words. Got to figure out how to turn that off.)

Btw ONNA is 'oh no, not again' and not 'woman/women' this time around.


	22. Redundancy

**Chapter twenty two-Redundancy**

Oh, God, there's going to be a fight, Kagome thought. "Oh, God, there's going to be a fight," she said worriedly.

"Yes, I'm afraid there is no avoiding it, Kagome-sama," Miroku replied.

There has to be a way, she thought desperately. "There has to be a way, Miroku!"

"I can't think of one right now."

Soon enough Inuyasha started to charge Sesshoumaru intend of harming his brother. Before Miroku could give Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru's skirmish any serious thought Kagome ran into the fray narrowly avoiding being skewered with Tessaiga.

888

As Sesshoumaru stood in front of his brother as he threatened him he listened absently to the mutts companions.

"Oh, God, there's going to be a fight," the scantily clad miko bemoaned. Sesshoumaru agreed that if Inuyasha kept it up there was going to be one.

"Yes, I'm afraid there is no avoiding it, Kagome-sama."

"There has to be a way, Miroku!"

Oh, so **that** was the monks name, Sesshoumaru thought idly. And the indecent miko was Kagome. The monk certainly was generous with his respect by calling her sama. Really what was so respectful about her to warrant that?

"I can't think of one right now," he heard the monk say.

Right as Inuyasha charged him sword drawn the miko leapt in front of him narrowly avoiding being skewered with Tessaiga.

**A/N: **This covered two kinds of redundancy. One was done on request where internal monologue is repeated as dialogue and the second was where the same scene is repeated as 'new' from a different pov. Both are a waste of time and space in my not so humble opinion.

There was actually a story that was nominated for an award a long while back (I don't remember if it won or even the name of the author or story) that repeated the same scene EVERY CHAPTER FOR SEVERAL CHAPTERS. She/he would write a battle then next chapter repeat the battle from someone else's pov only to have it THE SAME. Nothing new; no new impressions, thoughts, NOTHING. I got so fed up with the redundancy that I quite reading it.


	23. Pfht! Who need grammar!

**Chapter twenty three- Pfht! Who need grammar! **

Kagome walk toward the near tree. It was the most biggest of all of them and easy to see of all of them. The God Tree or Sacred Tree. There Inuyasha been pin for fifty year. Today she met with Sesshoumaru though. Her heart skip a beat in her chest thinking about it. He had offer an ultimatum give him Inuyasha sword Tessaiga or he kill Inuyasha on the new moon when he be human.

She not know how he found out about the new moon, but she would not give in! She would barter with him for something else. If only she knew what she could use.....

A/N: This is just a teaser! If you like it please review! I won't update until I get 5 review!

**Real A/N:**.....somehow I don't see this getting '5 review' much less any ._.

I always wonder if negative reviews count toward the requirement for an update....Saddest of all is I see this from native English speakers MORE so than from those who speak it as their 2nd or 3rd language.


	24. Song fic!

**Chapter twenty four-Song fic!**

**Rated M for language and suggestive themes. YOU HAVE BEE WARNED!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Frank Zappa (thank god) or 'titties and beer'**

It was the blackest night  
There was no moon in sight  
You know the stars ain't shinin'  
'Cause the sky's too tight  
I heard the scarey wind  
I seen some ugly trees  
There was a werewolf honkin'  
'Long the aide of me

I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no sissy  
Got a big titty girly by the name of Kags  
Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me . . .  
'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, mystery

I noticed even the crickets  
Was actin' weird up here  
So I figured I might  
Just drink a little beer

I said, "Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on . . " But there was no reply 'Cause she was gone . . .

"Where's those titties I like so well, 'n' my godam beer!" Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise

Like a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the Devil, . .  
He's about this big, . .

He had a red suit on  
An' a widow's peak  
An' then a pointed tail  
'N like a sulfur reek  
Yes, it was him awright,  
I swear I knowed it was  
He had some human flesh  
Stuck underneath his claws  
You know, it looked to me  
Like it was titty skin

I said, "You sonofabifch!" 'Cause I was mad at him.

Well he just got out the floss  
'N started cleanin' his fang  
So I shot him with my shooter.  
Said: BANG BANG BANG

The sucker just laughed 'n said, "Put it away . . .You know, I ate her all up . . . now what you gonna say?"

"YOU ATE MY KAGS?"

"Yeah! titties 'n all!"

"WHAT ABOUT THE BEER THEN?"

"Were the cans this tall?"

"EVEN HER BOOTS? "

"Would I lie to you?"

"SHIT, YOU MUSTA BEEN HUNGRY! "

"Yes, this is true'."

'WELL DON'T THEY PAY Y'ALL GOOD FOR THE STUFF THAT YOU DO?"

"I can't complain when the checks come through . . ''

"WELL I WANT MY KAGS, 'N I WANT MY BEER SO YOU JUST BARF IT BACK UP NOW, DEVIL, DO YOU HEAR!"

"Blow it out your ass, Sesshoumaru! I am the Devil, Do you understand? Just what will you give me for your titties and beer? I suppose you noticed this little contract here. ''

"YER GODDAM RIGHT, YOU SON-OF-A-WHORE, THAT'S ABOUT THE ONLY REASON I LEARNED WRITIN' FOR . . GIMME THAT PAPER ... BET YER ASS I'LL SIGN . . . 'CAUSE I NEED A BEER, 'N IT'S TITTY-SQUEEZIN' TIME!"

"You can't fool me, man . . . you ain't that bad . . .I mean you shoulda seen some of the souls I had . . .  
Why there was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew too . . .'n both of those suckers was worse 'n you . ."

"WELL, LET'S MAKE A DEAL IF YOU THINK THAT'S TRUE I MEAN, YOU'RE THE DEVIL SO ... WHATCHA GONNA DO?"

(improvised dialog which is really funny in the version I have where he complains about being signed to Warner Brothers 'for 8 fucking yrs!' and they talk about how he lacks 'style enough' to get into hell)

"No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think ...I mean ... hold on a minute, boy . . . that's Magic Ink!"

And then the Devil puked 'N out jumped m'girl. They heard the titties PLOP-PLOPPIN'  
All around the world.

She said: "I GOT ME THREE BEERS 'N A FIST FULLA DOWNS, AN' I'M GONNA GET WRECKED, SO FUCK YOU CLOWNS!"

And then she gave us the finger,  
It was rigid 'n stiff,  
That's when the Devil, he farted  
An' she went right over the cliff  
The Devil was mad took off to my pad  
I swear I do declare!  
How did she get back there?  
I swear I do declare!  
How did she get back there?

**A/N: **I've been meaning to do this chapter for a while and _finally_ picked the '**perfect' **song. I refuse to read song fics because of ones like this or their companion that randomly has lyrics thrown in interrupting the flow of the story.


	25. Stupification

**Chapter twenty five-Stupification**

Kagome tried desperately to answer the question she saw in his eyes. "It's a bra and panties."

"Bra and panties?"

"Yeah, um well a bra is to, um," Kagome blushed having to explain it to him. If only he hadn't gone into her bag himself! Why did he have to want tea now and not wait for her to get it! "A bra's worn by women of my time to make their breasts more perky and alluring to men." Oh! That sounded bad. And by the way he was raising his eyebrow it must have sounded bad to him too! "And panties are for arousing your partner."

Sesshoumaru looked at her hands where she was twisting her ring around her finger.

"Oh! That's a ring. It's, um, decoration to make my hands more attractive."

Sesshoumaru looked at her blankly before replying. "Things certainly change in the next five hundred years."

Kagome nodded a blush threatening to permanently be part of her face. It was _so _embarrassing to explain this stuff to him!

"Now a days breast bindings are for more practical uses such as support so women can tend the fields and do other jobs without their breasts hurting them from the constant weight pulling on them. And 'panties' as you call them are to prevent the soiling of clothing from bodily fluids."

Sesshoumaru started to walk away from the stunned Kagome before calling over his shoulder without looking back, "and miko I know what a ring is. Though your explanations explained where your mind is rather the functionality of the items you attempted to explain."

She had just insulted Sesshoumaru by not realizing that he would already know what these things were and apparently her definitions were wrong to boot! Today wasn't her day, she thought with a groan. Apparently he was wondering about the flimsy style not _what _it was. Kagome sunk to the ground her face beat red and nearly in tears from her self humiliation.

**bra**- a woman's undergarment for supporting the breasts.

**Panties** (underwear)- worn under other clothes, often next to the skin. They keep outer garments from being soiled by perspiration, urine, semen, feces and other discharges (and you wanted to go commando)

**Ring-** a typically circular band of metal or other durable material, esp. one of gold or other precious metal, often set with gems, for wearing on the finger as an ornament, a token of betrothal or marriage, etc. (one out of 3 wasn't too bad!)

**A/N:** To clarify what's going on for those of you who focused solely on Kagome's humiliation I'll explain. I've seen authors attempt to 'explain' things to Sesshoumaru and the gang that DID exist in the 1500's. (like bra's and panties only in different styles) Then not only did they make the gang seem stupid but they made themselves and Kagome seem stupid by getting the explanation WRONG. If the most common 'explanation' for bra's and panties were true and it is solely used to arouse your partner why would we have small children wear them? Why wear them if you didn't plan on anyone seeing them? Even fireworks have been around since 12th century. Before you attempt to explain something make sure YOU get the explanation right and your character isn't insulting the others. A second of research on Wikipedia .com or Dictionary .com and save you a whole lot of personal humiliation.


	26. I'm a Demon'

**Chapter twenty-six 'I'm a Demon!'**

Kagome walked into the house huffing in fury over Inuyasha comparing her to Kikyou; yet again. Nearly barreling over her mother in the kitchen she almost missed her calling to her telling her that they needed to talk.

Kagome sat looking at her mom stunned at what she'd been told.

"We're demons? Dog demons," Kagome whispered. At her mother's nod she couldn't help the bitter tone as she asked, "If that's true then why didn't you bother telling me _before_ now?"

"Well your eighteen now, dear. It seemed like a good time," her mother said calmly.

"And you didn't think that, oh, telling me when I fell down a well _into the demon infested feudal era_ might have been a good time?"

"Well, no, I mean it's tradition to tell you when you're all grown up." This was said complete with a placating pat on the hand.

"Uh huh. So hiding the truth of my _species_ for eighteen years while I risked my life in a _highly dangerous_ time period knowing that I was fighting _deadly creatures_ on a _regular basis_ wasn't cause enough to break family tradition?"

"No," her mother said. "And it all worked out anyway see?"

Kagome could only shake her head at her mother. _Really what was wrong with people that this seemed like a good idea?_

MLM

The gang had taken her being demon rather well. Shippo was ecstatic that was demon. Inuyasha only wanted to know if she could still sense shards. (Kagome was still trying to figure out how she was both miko _and_ demon that made** no** sense to her.) Sango thought it was great because she could now defend herself and Miroku though her 'new body' was drool worthy. Yup, not only did she find out she was demon but her entire _body_ changed as well when the concealing spell was lifted. Where the hell were all those curves hiding before? And the longer hair and extra inches in height that just magically appeared! Lets not forget the markings and color changes. Who needed blue eyes and black hair! It was** so** passe.

Sesshoumaru however was the bigger shock. The moment he found out she was really a demon she suddenly became desirable. Oh sure she _could_ be flattered. But this was a guy who compared humans to dirt and ignored her existence when not trying to kill her for interfering in his battles with his brother. Mind you he only was interested in her **after** she turned demon.

Kagome looked at the golden eyed male before her eagerly waiting her response to his spontaneous request that she be his mate. No doubt confident she'd say yes; after all he _was_ attractive and rich and powerful complete with a lords title. (He waited a whopping week before proposing.) Narrowing her eyes at him she bit out, "Oh yes, Sesshoumaru, I'll marry you. After all it's every girl's dream to be wanted for _what_ **species **she is instead of _who_ **she** is."

**A/N:** Unless it's interesting and _believable_ I don't bother with Kagome turns demon stories. Normally the whys are weak or unbelievable and Kagome receives a makeover so extreme they should have just made it a OC story. If however it gives a good PLAUSABLE explanation instead of the cliché ones then I'll give it a try.


	27. Americanizing Japan

**Chapter twenty seven- Americanizing Japan**

**I do not own Nike, Victoria's Secret, Tripp, Hot Topic, Fredrick's of Hollywood, Pizza Hut, Ruby Tuesday's or Saturn.**

Kagome couldn't wait to go to the mall with her friends. She was dressed in her stone washed skinny jeans and a tight baby blue tank top that said "SASSY" across her chest. She already had on her black Nike's and was doing her makeup. She opted for a smokey blue eye shadow and black eye liner with apple pink lipstick. Rushing out the door with a quick 'bye' to her mom she hopped into her red Saturn Sky and zoomed off.

Quickly finding a spot she met up with her friends Sango and Kikyou. Sango was wearing a short black skirt that stopped half way down her thighs and a pink crop top with swirls on it and large silver hoop earrings. She was also wearing a pair of killer black heals that made her legs look great. Not that they needed help with how athletic she was; they were naturally great looking. Her trade mark pink eyeshadow and pink lipstick was the only makeup she wore.

Kikyou was always the more conservative of the three. She wore dark blue boot cut jeans and a loose but nice sea green short sleeve top that buttoned up all the way except for the top four showing just a hint of cleavage. Even her shoes were conservative blue and silver Nike cross trainers. She never wore any makeup and while it was odd that she didn't she didn't need to either.

After much hugging and arm linking the trio made off towards Hot Topic. There was a sale that they **had **to go to. Sango and Kagome wanted a new pair of Tripp pants and those cute t-shirts with the rude sayings. After that they went to Victoria's Secret to where Kagome just had to buy a pair of cute pink bikini panties. Sango dared Kikyou to buy something from Fredrick's. Their clothes were scandalous. Kikyou had drug Sango and Kagome with her. They had never seen some of the stuff in there before! It was really different from Victoria's Secret. Did women actually wear that!

After Kikyou's purchase of a crotchless nipple-less teddy the girls left giggle for the food court where they bypassed the Ruby Tuesdays and decided to eat at a Pizza Hut instead. Kagome came home with an empty wallet and sore feet but it was worth it.

**A/N: **News flash! No one in Japan has likely heard of ANY of those references with the exception of Nike and Pizza Hut and apparently Ruby Tuesday's is in HK. Actually no one outside of the US has likely heard of them since they're all limited to the US. NO Victoria's Secret is NOT an international company. I've NEVER seen one over seas (and I've been to over 10 countries). You'd at least get more recognition out of Hunkemöller.

If you're going to put a story in Japan at least leave those things out or move the location. Don't insult (or just confuse the crap out of ) the people who aren't from the US. One of my reviewers actually brought this subject up and I had to laugh since I was already writing this. I suggest you read Nere's review on Dokuga to get a "foreigners" opinion.

Several people have mentioned that they hope others are learning from this fic....don't hold your breath folks. We don't need you fainting onto the keyboard. Or worse yet the monitor you could get hurt.


	28. Double Standards

**Chapter twenty-eight - Double Standards**

**

* * *

**

"You expect her to forgive you?" Hiten asked astonished.

"Of course," Sesshoumaru replied shrugging. "After all it's not like my sleeping with another woman while dating Kagome was a big issue. After all I came back to her and won't do it again. I even apologized, which I didn't have to do since I never actually said we were exclusive."

Hiten looked at him as if he was possibly the stupidest male on earth. "And if she had slept with someone else while dating you, but came back and apologized what then?"

"I'd send her packing. I won't have an unfaithful partner." The anger flushing the other man was enough to make Hiten step back before he shook off his reaction and straightened his spine.

"And the fact that you have a habit of sleeping around prior to her? That has nothing to do with her either? What if she had as many partners over the years as you had?" Sesshoumaru had never been faithful before and Hiten doubted he would be now. Kagome was a fool to think otherwise. Sesshoumaru's own behavior said he'd continue to cheat.

Sesshoumaru scoffed. "It's different I'm male. I wouldn't date a whore. They're for one night stands not relationships."

Hiten looked at his friend carefully. "I fail to see the difference between those whores and you. And if she does forgive you she's an idiot," he said softly before walking off.

"You're going to forgive him!" Hiten exclaimed stunned.

"What choice do I have? I love him. He never said we were exclusive I just assumed," Kagome replied scuffing the toe of her shoe across the pavement.

"I think you have the right to assume the guy living with you is going to be faithful and you're exclusive," he spat. "If you let him get away with this he's going to do it again."

"I'm not letting him get away with anything," she bit out. "It won't happen again. He said we're exclusive now."

Hiten pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed gustily. "Kagome, he's not going to be faithful. I've known Sesshoumaru a long time. He's _never_ faithful. If you let him come back he'll think he can do it again and you'll keep letting him off the hook. If you want a faithful man it's not him. Dump him and start over. I don't care that you love him," he bit out the last as soon as she opened her mouth to argue. "Which is more important one man or your happiness? Can you honestly say that you'll be happy with him cheating all the time?"

"He won't cheat!" Kagome yelled stomping her foot before walking away.

Hiten sighed. She'll learn the hard way and he'd be caught between two friends.

* * *

**A/N: **Since I know several men who have NEVER cheated on their partners; some who have only had ONE partner and is still with them I tend to get insulted on their behalf when I read stuff like this. Several of these men I know have suffered through multiple deployments and are still faithful.

I've seen it far too often in fanfiction where the male is forgiven after a short time for infidelity but the female is not. And here I thought the West was known for sexual equality. Apparently it only extends to the work place and not the bedroom. It disturbs me that the women writing this kind of fanfiction don't expect their men to be faithful and yet accept it. If you accept this sort of behavior it'll happen to you. A self-fulfilling prophesy if you will.


	29. Marriage Rush!

**Chapter twenty-nine: Marriage Rush!**

* * *

Kagome sighed as she looked out over the feudal landscape. Lately all her thoughts have been consumed by Sesshoumaru. He was tall (ridiculously so) pale in all his coloring and deadly. He was also an enemy but she knew that would give anything to be with him; she loved him.

It didn't matter that the only words ever spoken between them were threats. It didn't matter that he had once nearly killed his own brother, her best friend, by putting his hand through his gut. None of that mattered. What did matter was her overwhelming attraction to him and her deep abiding love for him.

Kagome sighed again realizing that he'd never feel the same way for her as she did for him. He was a deadly youkai lord and she but a simple human miko. Despondent she resigned herself to stealing glances at him when he next showed up to fight Inuyasha or Naraku.

Lost in thought and wishful dreaming she didn't hear the soft footfalls behind her. As a result she screamed briefly when she felt a hand on her shoulder before a clawed hand cupped her mouth swiftly silencing her. Breathing heavily through her fear she tried to think about her next move. She couldn't reach her arrows! Kagome was nearly panting in terror when she felt warm moist breath tickle her ear.

"Miko."

With that one word she froze. She knew that voice; Sesshoumaru. Eyes wide she stared out over the nightscape not even breathing as everything slammed to a stop. His hand slowly released her mouth and she jumped up turning around to face him.

"Sesshoumaru," she breathed. "What are you doing here? Inuyasha's not here."

She wished that Sesshoumaru was here for her but knew that it wasn't possible.

"I'm not here for the hanyou."

Kagome was pretty sure she was hearing things and that her daydreams just found a really bad time to make themselves known. "So why are you here?"

There that sounded ambiguous enough, she thought pleased. No matter what he had or hadn't said that was a good question.

"I've come for you, miko."

Oh, this was bad, Kagome thought. There was no way she had heard what she thought she heard. She also had a vague sense of self telling her that she was staring at him open mouthed like an imbecile. The slight yet very smug smirk on his face was enough to snap her back to herself.

"I'm sorry, I must be hearing things. I could have sworn you said you came to see me," she muttered.

"Indeed. I've decided to make you my consort."

"You, you want me to be your mistress!" she couldn't help the stutter if she tried.

Sesshoumaru frowned at her. "A consort is a spouse."

"It is?" she mumbled confused before she realized that her wildest dreams and fantasies were coming true.

"Indeed." The smug little smirk was still there playing about his thin lips.

"Then, yes, I'll marry you," she breathed.

Hours later she only had a vague recollection of him taking her away and making passionate love to her. She basked in her love of him and his love of her. She knew that at some point she'd have to face Inuyasha and the others about her decision but it was all easily ignored for now. Waking up pleasantly sore from the night's activities she resolved to speak to Sesshoumaru about when she could see her friends and inform her of her new status as a married woman.

"You won't be leaving," he said when she asked. His face was as stoic as normal. He only ever let little emotions show anyway.

Kagome frowned at him, "I have to let them know where I am and not to worry. I also have to continue my hunt for the Shikon no Tama. Naraku needs to be destroyed. Not to mention that I need to visit my family to let them know about being married."

"As my wife your place is by my side and I have final say in all things concerning you. Come it's time you met my other consorts and my children." Turning on his heel he started out of the room expecting her to follow.

"Other consorts! Children!" Kagome was so shocked all she could do was stand there staring after him.

"Of course, you are my fifth wife. As such the other four are above you in station and you are expected to obey them as you would me and to help watch all seven children. You will not be allowed to associate with the hanyou anymore or visit your family. Your duty is to me now."

What the hell did she get into?

* * *

**A/N:** Ah, rushed marriages. I've seen this kind of rushed marriage often in fanfics. Seriously what kind of idiot marries someone they don't know if they have a choice? These stories go from 'barely/never spoken' to marriage in a single chapter. You can't love someone you don't know. There's a big difference between love and lust no matter how powerful lust can be at times. Even in a May/December relationship they have several months to get to know each other.

It always gets me when people use consort and then the girl gets insulted by being called a spouse. Personally I'd rather be some guy's spouse than his mistress. I can only assume people are getting consort confused with concubine and/or courtesan.

**Side note:** My website is up and will provide links to my original works. It's basic now but will grow…eventually. The link is on my profile. VerianOutPost com


	30. Polygamy

**Polygamy**

The argument had been running strong for days; it had even escalated into minor skirmishes at times. Ever since Inu no Taisho had been resurrected and proclaimed his desires for Kagome, Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha had been angry. It had turned out that Sesshoumaru had desired Kagome as well and was bidding his time to woe her. Inuyasha, previously a potential suitor, turned out to merely view Kagome as a sister and wanted to protect her from these two males (even if they were family) and of course any other male around: Koga.

"Enough of this, Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha," Inupapa barked out. After two days of constantly being double-teamed even the Great and Terrible Inu no Taisho was tired. "We need to settle this. The miko will make a fine mate and I intend to have her. Nothing either of you do will deter me."

"Then how do you expect to settle this, father, when both of us desire her?"

Inupapa must be older than he thought or the power expended from being resurrected had taken more of a toll on him then he thought. His eldest was barely winded and still immaculate. Even his youngest was holding his own despite his half-blood.

"We'll both mate with her!" Inu no Taisho smiled rakishly. "We'll both acquire the delicious miko for our own."

"And you expect her to go along with this plan? Humans do not have more than one mate," Sesshoumaru pointed out, his brows furrowing slightly in doubt.

"Not to mention that Kagome would freak," Inuyasha pointed out with sadistic glee. It'd be nice to see her angry at someone else for a change.

"Nonsense! We'll drown her in our combined testosterone! She won't stand a chance with both of us courting her," Inupapa cackled his eyes dancing in delight.

Inuyasha had to hand it to his old man he certainly was confident. He highly doubted that this cockamamy plan would work though. Kagome wasn't like your average woman but he did know that she wouldn't want more than one mate. He'd seen her world and knew that such a thing wasn't acceptable and Kagome wasn't about to go against the way she was raised not matter how oddly it seemed at times to him. Her mom was traditional and certainly wouldn't allow such a match, and how would she ever introduce her two husbands to her friends? Simple; she couldn't without big issues arising.

Biting his tongue he tuned out listening to his father outline his plan for seducing Kagome along with Sesshoumaru's help. Glancing off to the side his eyes widened slightly when they locked with blue ones. Looking back at Inu no Taisho and Sesshoumaru he pitied them. Kagome had heard every word and was pissed. He didn't know why they thought this was a good idea but someone was going to pay and he was glad it wasn't going to be him.

**A/N:** requested by… I forget who, but it was a good idea! Basically the request was to point out the flaw of her mating Inupapa and Sesshoumaru when she's a traditional girl and her mother simply accepting her breaking the law and tradition. It was something like: "I want to see one about how Inupapa is suddenly resurrected and falls for Kagome right away, Sesshoumaru suddenly wants her but then Inuyasha suddenly realizes he only feels like she's a sister. And they misuse Inu no Taisho's title as his name or call him 'Inupapa'. And Kagome and her mother just accept it."

P.s. Happy Birthday to me!


End file.
